“Just When I Needed Him”

As a therapist, my mantra to clients, is “find time for yourself…..you are no good to others, if you aren’t good to yourself…..”  I ask couples “how do you expect to be happy and healthy in a relationship if you are not happy and healthy with yourself?”  Anyone ever heard the old saying “physician heal thyself” ?  Well…………..

Our animals have an uncanny ability to ‘read us’, to know our moods, to sense what is going on with our emotions.  If dogs can sniff out IEDs in Iraq or know when someone is going to have a seizure, then I am pretty sure they can tell when their owner of 10+ years is pissed off!  I am convinced our horses know us even better than our canine companions.  Our horses share an emotional and even spiritual connection with us that is very unique.

This month has been a particularly difficult time for me, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.  Among other things, I lost one of my Paso Finos.  Valentino Del Mella.  He was my dad’s first Paso. I acquired him about 10 years ago just a couple of years before my dad died.   I remember going with my dad to see Val for the first time.  My most fond memories of my dad were the times he and I spent with horses.  Val was a sweet horse, anyone could ride.  We used him for all the kids birthday parties.   He was just an all around good guy, kind of like my dad.  Work has been particularly stressful, family issues always abound and don’t get me started on the economy.  So I, like everyone, have my share of distress.  So who has time for “me”?  Not me.

I have struggled in the day to day, never having the time to stop, ride, groom, spend time with my “therapist” no “me” time.  Isn’t it funny the one thing that would make me feel better and more connected, the one thing that would help me heal, I can’t find the time for—riding, grooming, talking to my “therapist”.  What I do have time for, what I make time for is the day in and day out  rote handling, feeding, turn out.  So the other day, my “therapist” Alex stood close to me and very sweetly rested his nose on my shoulder.  He very quietly breathed in and out, I actually paused ever so briefly, for the first time in a while, I listened.  There he stood, for a moment as if to say, “I know your pain, I understand…..”  It was so special….I remember thinking, this is awesome, he truly “gets me”.     Then all of a sudden like a bullet out of nowhere he took his nose and shoved me about 10 feet across the isle of the barn,  as if to say, “get a grip woman….snap out of it….I am here….practice what you preach…..!”   Talk about your tough love approach……..

So just when I needed him, just when I needed a taste of my own medicine, just when I needed to be reminded that I cannot be any good to others unless I am good to myself, that even in grief and stress I need to find a way to get through it…..he was there for me, to show me, to remind me, to be my “therapist”. The one thing that I needed to get me through,  I was neglecting.  My horse………my “therapist”, my Alex.